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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/30127962">to memory now</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Iki_teru/pseuds/Iki_teru'>Iki_teru</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Kingdom Hearts (Video Games)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Fix-It of Sorts, Fluff, Friendship, Gen, Post-Kingdom Hearts III, let riku and kairi talk and be friends dang it</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-16 02:47:22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,562</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/30127962</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Iki_teru/pseuds/Iki_teru</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>SPOILERS FOR KH III RE:MIND!! </p>
<p>Kairi sleeps so others can search for clues inside her heart.  </p>
<p>“You should wake up now.” It’s Riku as she hasn’t seen him in years: fourteen or fifteen and he glances at her sideways and she sees his eyes are still full of confidence and fire that has long been snuffed out.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>to memory now</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>originally written before Melody of Memory ever actually released. Shelved for a while due to bitter feelings. Dusted off because bitter feelings turned to resentment of: why can't Kairi have nice things.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Kairi was four, maybe five, running through the town square in Radiant Garden. She ran as fast as her little legs would carry her, mouth open to gasp at the air. She tripped, falling hard to her knees and hands but she got up again, mindless of the skint knees and torn up palms and she kept running. Something sounded behind her; heavy boots dragging across the cobblestone. Little Kairi didn’t stop to see how much ground she’s losing, she just kept running. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kairi of the here and now pauses the memory, rewinds it, starts it over. She should feel something; fear or anger or any myriad of emotions at watching what she can’t remember but there’s nothing. She’s spent several cycles following the shade of her memory and she knows how this one ends: little Kairi makes it around two more corners before the figure in black catches her up around an elbow and drags her back and nobody will hear her scream. Now she watches, perched on a raised flower bed, the same handful of seconds over and over again; decisions she made once upon a time that led her to the life she has with no recollection of having gotten there. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The memory starts over again. She should move on. She should watch something else. Is Ienzo aware of how long she’s stayed right here? Kairi has a momentary flutter of embarrassment but she doesn’t stop herself from rewinding the memory again. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You should wake up now.” the voice is new, a sound outside the breathless gasps for air and the steady click of the black-robed figure’s heels. Kairi turns her head away from the memory playing out in front of her to stare in awe at the figure sitting next to her. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It’s Riku as she hasn’t seen him in years: fourteen or fifteen and he glances at her sideways and she sees his eyes are still full of confidence and fire that has long been snuffed out. This is Riku Before, when the raft was still a nebulous concept on the horizon. When doors didn’t open to spill materialized darkness. When hearts were safe inside their people. When they were all still hopeful children dreaming of a somewhere else. Riku is sitting close enough to touch, one leg pulled up to his chest, leaning back on one hand perfectly at ease. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re not him.” The words come out carrying more hurt than Kairi meant for them to contain. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And you’re not her,” not-Riku tips his chin at the little girl running past for the umpteenth time. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kairi lets go of the memory for a benign one: sunset on Destiny Islands. She’s seen so many of these that it’s half memory, half want. They’re both seated on the bent trunk of the paopu tree. Not-Riku keeps his eyes fixed on the horizon even as he repeats himself </span>
  <em>
    <span>you should wake up now</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ienzo will wake me when he’s ready,” Kairi counters. “Why do you look like him?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You trust him that much?” Riku’s form shifts between blinks. Now he’s older, taller, hair shaggy in his eyes and tangled around his shoulder blades. Now he’s the Riku that was too busy taking care of everyone else to bother basic things like brushing snarls out. “Is this better?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kairi tilts her head at him, considering. “No, I don’t think it is.” He’s back to the original form, smirking now like he expected that answer. “And even if I didn’t, what choice do I have? You — I mean Riku knows where I am. Nobody would try anything. It’s not like there’s anything else I could do.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The sunset shivers around them and they’re down on the beach proper. Kairi is watching her past self send a bottle out to sea. Past Kairi inhales deeply and exhales a promise. Kairi doesn’t need to watch to know this too ends in sorrow. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You could have gone with Donald and Goofy. Looked for clues among the other worlds, seen the things Sora saw,” Riku says. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The sands shift around them and now they can see the play island in the distance. The memory unspools as a dark portal opens, revealing Axel, holding a hand out to Kairi. The memories slip silverfish fast. The door to darkness. Sora catching what’s left of Kairi to hold in his heart. Riku wrestling control of his body long enough to let Kairi escape. Getting caught by Axel. Thrown in the cell to be watched over by Saixi. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I would just be in the way,” Kairi says. She closes her eyes, focuses her breathing, brings them back to the soft sands and calm hush of the ocean. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You could have stayed with Riku. You’d both be less lonely.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The memories unwind: races across these very sands, swimming in these waters. The figures are distant but there are always the three of them; arms slung around one another, laughter coming bright and cheerful. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He doesn’t need me,” Kairi looks down at her lap, breathes deeply and counts to ten. “Letting Ienzo search through my heart was the best thing I could do for everyone.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh yeah?” He does something, it’s not quite painful but it makes Kairi nauseous to have the control wrenched from her so suddenly. Everything goes white. They’re floating in white nothingness. There’s a pressure against Kairi’s hand  — a sensation of someone is rubbing circles with their thumb and a voice soft like thunder rumbles through everything. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Don’t know if you can even hear me</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Riku  — the real Riku — sighs. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I’ll keep visiting you though, just in case. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The Riku sitting beside her looks smug. “What are you?” She finally asks. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He shrugs, “What answer would make you feel better?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The memories scroll by, more like a movie on a screen than something that immerses them. The Riku at her side shows her moments where her boys leaned on her emotionally, where she bolstered them with soft touches and strong words. “You never backed down before,” he says as the screen shows her leaping off a balcony, into a throng of heartless. “No matter how bleak things looked.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She counters with memories of the last battle: being dangled overhead by Master Xehanort, shattering into a thousand points of light. “All I’m good for,” she spits, “is being used as leverage. There’s no </span>
  <em>
    <span>point </span>
  </em>
  <span>in me.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Riku has flickered forms again and he looks more like he did last time she saw him. The memories around them grind to a halt and they’re left in soft darkness of nothing, just the two of them. “That’s not true.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What do you know?” Kairi snaps. “You’re not </span>
  <em>
    <span>real</span>
  </em>
  <span>, you’re just my heart telling me what I want to hear.” She blinks, confused as to why her vision has gone fuzzy, why there’s a hot knot in her throat she can’t swallow around. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“If,” Riku begins slowly, “I were just your heart, I would be able to take other forms. I would be Sora because I know how much you miss him and maybe you’d listen to him.” He flexes his fingers like he’s never seen them before. “But Riku’s forms are the only ones I can take. I’m here because you are but I think I’m part of the program Ienzo is running on your memories, not a side effect of the memories themselves.” He reaches out, presses a finger under her chin until she caves and looks up at him through the tears. “Kairi,” he says softly. “You’re so much more than leverage. You’re part of their hearts, don’t you see? You all need each other.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She’s crying too hard to catch her breath. Kairi reaches up, presses the hand of the closest thing she’s got to her friend against her cheek. If she tries very hard she can imagine he smells like Riku should. “I don’t want to be used again,” she sobs. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know, but look.” The walls go white again and fill with words, thousands and thousands of words. “Riku has been coming to see you every day since you were put to sleep. He’s come untethered without you and Sora there to ground him.” The memory/program/dream Riku presses a kiss to her forehead. “You’re not useless and you’re not leverage. You’re loved. Please, wake up.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kairi closes her eyes. The memories disappear as she settles back into her bones. The light of the room is piercing behind her eyelids but she forces them open. Riku — the real Riku, is at her side, still rubbing circles against her hand. She squeezes his fingers, making him start and when he looks up at her she sees the tears in his eyes. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sorry I left you alone,” she whispers.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Riku laughs, wiping at his eyes. “Sora already had a go at sleeping on me for a year, it only seems fair you got your turn too.” She tugs at his hand until he climbs on the narrow bed, folding her against his side in an embrace. “I missed you,” he breathes against her hair.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sorry,” she says again. “Hey, Riku?” He hums against her hair, letting her know he’s listening. “Let’s go find Sora.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He laughs again, pressing her tighter against himself. She can hear his heart, feel the slight tremor in his body from laughing or crying or both. “I thought you’d never ask.” </span>
</p>
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